J

Since we have gone private, I don't think I have too many "readers" of this blog anymore. This is fine by me, since I really do just write here as a way to record my thoughts and feelings on my life and motherhood, etc. And I know that family near and far like to read updates and see pictures, mostly of the girls. I try hard not to sound too "braggadocios" (that is how spell check told me to spell it - it doesn't look right) on this blog because really, that's no fun for other people to read. We all love our husbands the most. They are all the best husbands in the world. Our kids are all geniuses and the most adorable babies that ever existed. We all make super awesome crafts and have adorably-decorated houses. We're all trim and stylish too, all while balancing a church calling, being the perfect mother and wife, and keeping a spotless house...right??! That being said, this is my blog. Jason, my number one, the love of my life, and my partner-in-crime (as we may occasionally go a few mph over the speed limit) doesn't make an appearance as often as he should. For those wondering, this is not because we don't love him - okay, Jason? This is not because we don't love you! You know we do. =) Right now, we are embarking on a "new chapter," if you will, in this little life of ours. Jason just about a month away from graduating. I can't believe I am even typing that. In our marriage thus far, a very HUGE part of our lives, almost like a third child (that's weird), has been school. We just kept pushing forward, knowing that "Just (such and such amount of time), and we'll be done." As Ember's due date approached (over a year ago...still can't believe that!), I got really nervous because Jason was on a break between quarters and school was starting up again right away. I struggled with a lot of feelings of self-doubt, as he was going to be immersed in school again immediately and I would have a new baby and a not-even-two-year-old to care for. We opted for an induction so that we could spend a couple days "transitioning" into this new life of ours before Jason started school up again. I was really nervous about being able to do it all. Lots of people I know had done it and had done just fine, but we all know those all-too-familiar feelings of inadequacy that one often experiences before a big life change. Sissy was born. Two days later, Jason started his last year of school. I remember thinking that another year seemed so far away. I still had a newborn - a whole year seemed like an eternity. Despite all of the changes and challenges that new life brings, life still managed to be very sweet. Sure, I had my fair share of "Am I really this stressed/mean/crazy, or is it just my hormones?" moments, I will admit. But, I never once felt like Jason wasn't "present" or that I didn't have his help. Looking back, I kind of still don't know how it all seemed to work out. At one point, he was taking 26 credits at two schools and working 60+ hours at night a week, but I never once felt like I was being put on the back burner or not at the very tip-top of his priority list. And I know the girls, if they could express that sentiment, would agree with me. It's been challenging for me - I'm just going to say it. Not harder than anyone else's life, but it has not been easy for me. It was never in our "initial plans" (does anyone follow those anyways?) that we would have two children before Jason finished school, but I absolutely would not have it any other way than the way we have gotten to partake of Heavenly Father's plans for our family. These times have been so sweet, and I have grown in ways that I never would have been able to any other way. Growing comes with growing pains, but I am so much stronger and more independent than I ever was (that being said, I will NEVER get used to going to bed, my myself, night after night, no matter how long it's been!) We were more than blessed with very easy-going children too (oops, bragging again - don't worry, yours are probably more easy-going) that have made this particular time in our lives one that I know we will look back on with tender feelings and fond memories. I am so unbelievably grateful for the sacrifices that Jason has made on behalf of our family. I can't even type this without tears of complete gratitude for him filling my eyes. In these past few years, I have seen him become the sweetest, most loving father, and he has continued to be the sweetheart and gentleman to me that I knew he was almost five years ago when I married him - better, in fact. He is just a good man. And, as cliche' as it sounds, one that really does treat me like a princess. The kind that I would want for my unmarried friends, my sisters, and my daughters someday. I know that his love for us is the motivation in everything that he does. That all being said - I AM SO RELIEVED AND READY FOR HIM TO BE DONE! (At least for a little while.) I know that with a new career, life is not going to just suddenly "let up". There are always ups and downs in life - and really, as hard as they are sometimes, thank goodness for those downs. They only help to make me stronger. We all know I can use all the help I can get. =) Mostly, I am just excited to have him home at night again! I am excited to have to make both sides of the bed, and not just the side that I sleep in alone, 6 nights a week! I am kind of nervous that my emotions will get the better of me at his graduation and that I will stand up and scream "Hallelujah" at the top of my lungs, all while doing a really awesome happy dance. If it happens - sorry Jason, I really just can't help it. This is as much a triumphant moment in my life as it is in yours. I have missed you - I am excited to have you back! I do not know where we are going to live or where life will take us in the next few months, but I am grateful that I get to experience this change alongside my truly wonderful husband (barf - mushy, I know) and sweet little girls. I am uncertain, sure. But not scared. I know that as long as I have them, everything will be fine.