lonely

On my busiest of days, I would give anything just to have five minutes of "alone time." Oh, what I would give to just relax in a hot bubble bath, or read (I hear those Twilight books are good), or go shopping, or even just use the bathroom without having the door open so Reagan can see me AT ALL TIMES (too much information?? sorry), or all of the above. But, then this scenario happens: husband goes to Texas, baby goes to bed, sister in Hawaii at college has plans and cannot talk on the phone (college students have plans on the weekend?? I forgot about that one), and I am sitting here, all alone in our house, and very tempted to wake pretty Penny up just for some company and some good old-fashioned conversation. Call me crazy, but I am lonely! Sure, I have plenty to do that should keep me busy but I have discovered that I thrive on human interaction - particularly of the family variety. Sometimes I wish that Reagan would want to stay up with me and cuddle just a few minutes longer, or that Haley could listen to my rambling over the phone for a little longer, but alas, they all have plans... and I do not. Reagan's night time plans include mommy giving her a bath, mommy pretending that she is going to put her to bed in her own crib, and then mommy putting her to bed next to mommy's pillow so that she is available for cuddling later. mommy justifies this by saying that it's because Jason is gone and heaven forbid that she sleep by herself! But, we all know that when Jason gets back, Reagan will still have her spot in the middle of her bed. Sister's plans probably include a date with some "hott RM" (love BYU freshman year lingo), or having a bonfire at the beach with roommates and friends (does going to college in Hawaii even count as college? LUCKY!) Husband's plans include relaxing in luxury at the local San Antonio Holiday Inn, watching Fox News, and (hopefully) missing his two favorite girls. Mommy's plans include sitting here on my couch, with Frasier on tv keeping me company in the background, while random thoughts float whimsically through my head:
is the laundry done? i don't think i've heard the buzzer go off yet. as soon as it does, i'll get it and then i'll make a big pile on the floor and then fold it into separate piles. but then i will want to put it all away, but if i move in and out of each room, i might wake reagan up. but maybe that won't be bad. maybe she won't be too tired and she will want to hang out with me for a while. man, she is cute. should i wake her up? no, i can't do that. she needs to stay on a schedule. but does she? is that really as important as everyone says? probably not, but i would feel bad waking her up. she had a big day playing at Nana and Bumpa's house today. those are weird names to call grandparents. especially bumpa. oh well, it fits. i miss my family. i wonder what they're doing tomorrow? i miss jason. i wonder what he is doing. maybe i should call him? no, because i know i will want to call him later and i can't call him twice because...well, because that would make me seem too clingy. does he like when i'm clingy? probably not. but maybe. maybe i'll call him. no, he's probably in bed already. yeah, i think i'm going to wake reagan up. she won't be too mad...no, emily what are you thinking? get a hold of yourself. maybe i should blog? yeah, that's it, i'll blog. now what will i blog about? politics? no, that will probably bore people. but jason would be proud of me. man, i miss jason. and reagan...
And here we are. Pathetic isn't it? But, I am not ashamed to admit that they are my whole life. Sometimes I may forget or pretend that I don't like my whole life revolving around taking care of them, and that I would like some time to myself, but I guess I would just be lying to myself. Because apparently I can't handle it when they aren't here right next to me! I sure do adore them...they grow up too fast (babies AND husbands, really), and I would give anything to have them here with me right now, so I could hold them and cuddle them and kiss them and tell them how much they mean to me. Do you think they know? I hope so.

Powerful Words

So you really shouldn't have general authority "favorites," but Jason and I were talking today about how much we just love President Uchtdorf. He is so real and really speaks from his heart to the hearts of anyone listening to him. About everything he says, I want to write down so I don't forget. Here is a really great quote from today. If I am ever feeling down or discouraged, I will try to remember his powerful words:

"To all who suffer, to all who feel discouraged, worried or lonely. I say with love and deep concern for you; never give in, never surrender. Never allow despair to overcome your spirit. Embrace and rely upon the hope of Israel for the love of the Son of God pierces all darkness, softens all sorrow and gladdens every heart."



-President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Isn't that powerful? We love him.

Thanks Behans!

Reagan and her friend Avery, who is just a few weeks younger than Reagan, got together this evening (as well as their parents), and it was a good time! Avery is so cute, and so are Katy and Paul. And I love when Avery thinks I'm funny.(But really, when aren't comb-overs funny?) Thanks for hanging out with us and making us feel young again, Behans! Let's do it again soon, ok? Especially because we need to take some pictures of the little girls together - I always forget to bring my camera! Maybe we can stagger them or something or have Avery closer to the camera so poor Reagan doesn't look too much like a giant. Just kidding. We love you!
Also, I got a little preview of some more of Reagan's four month photos from Amanda. I just can't get over how good they are. Amanda is really an amazing photographer. If you're bored of Reagan pictures, look no further.

I love baby hands!

We're having a little modesty talk. "But mom, everyone's going shirtless."

My friend Whitney calls this her "baby polygamist" look. Oops.

So, not that cute but really funny. Maybe a sneeze?

The "twins."

p.s. Strictly hypothetical question - is it bad if your washer and dryer smell like burnt rubber while you are doing laundry? Should I call someone? =)

Four Month Photo Shoot

I love my friend Amanda. She takes the best pictures of Reagan. It means so much to me that she took time from her busy schedule today so that I would have these beautiful pictures. She is so talented. Thanks Amanda! Here are a few of my favorites. Well, they are ALL my favorites, but I won't bore you, so I'll try to only post a few... we'll see how it goes.














Doesn't look like it went so well with only posting a few...oops. Amanda did a great job of capturing Reagan's personality. They are all so cute.
p.s. Does anyone know of a place that sells baby training bras? I think we need to invest in one...don't pretend you didn't notice. =)

Thank you

It's probably no surprise that I am grateful for my husband.
He manages to keep me grounded when my instincts are to fly off in all different sorts of emotional directions.
Thanks to him, my feet somehow stay on the ground.
Thank you, Jason. I really love you.


Picture by Ernie Pratt 2008

Nakey time

Reagan has been so funny lately - she is constantly cracking us up. Almost every day we have "nakey time" (her, not I) where I let her roll around on the ground (on towels, of course) for a little while to get all her wiggles out and just be free. Without clothes on, her movement is not restricted, and she just scoots and shimmies around so contently. I think she is just meant to be naked. I feel like it is torture to her when we eventually have to put at least a diaper back on. She is scaring me a little though. She'll be on her tummy during nakey time and will scrunch her legs up, stick her little bum up in the air, and scoot forward a few inches, usually falling flat on her face, but moving nonetheless. I just don't want her to be an early crawler - not that it would happen anytime soon, but our house is just not baby-proofed enough for me to be comfortable leaving her alone even for a second if she's going to be able to start moving around like this. But alas, she loves her nakey time. (But really, who doesn't?)
We also tried giving her a little rice cereal today. She is already four months old, and I can't believe how big my tiny little newborn is getting...which is an exaggeration because she is not in the least bit "tiny." She is a rather large, healthy baby. Her chub hasn't even gotten more prominent, but she is as equally tall as she is fluffy. She is wearing 9-12 month clothes consistently now, and officially grew out of her last 6 month outfit that fit her last weekend. Unfortunately, because she has been growing so fast, the girl is constantly eating, and went from sleeping through the night (about 9 hours) to waking up every 3 or 4 once again. This is okay, because I can't blame her for getting hungry, but I am definitely getting a little tired. We decided it was time to add a little more substance to the diet. Not much, but just to see if it would make a difference in how often she needs to eat, especially at night. If Project Rice Cereal fails, that is okay - I plan on nursing her for at least a year anyways, and am totally okay with nursing her when she needs to eat. I'm not much of a "schedule mom." Maybe I'll get it figured out with our future children, but I am not much of a scheduled person myself (neither is Jason), and so I can't really expect that of her - at least not right now. She has been showing more and more interest in our food when we eat, sticking out her tongue and smacking her lips when we sit down for dinner, so we thought we'd give rice cereal a try. I expected her to only take a couple of bites, but she ate almost the whole bowl! She just kept opening up her mouth, demanding more. I guess I should have expected that - she loves to eat and really, who can blame her? Those sagging jowls need some nourishment!
She has her four month appt. on Thursday. We can't wait to find out how much she weighs and how tall she is. As for the height, I really don't have any guesses. But for weight, I'm guessing at least 16 or 17 pounds - we'll see. Of course, this appointment means more shots. Boo =( I am not excited about that, and if she knew, I'm sure she wouldn't be either. I am so totally for vaccinating but it just breaks my heart that it has to hurt her. Since she doesn't cry very often, I have a really, really hard time when she does, especially if it's because she is hurting. But I secretly really enjoy the time we have afterwards when all she wants to do is cuddle. I know she is not always going to want to do this, so I just want to take it all in.
I love being a mother. It is hard at times, and can seem rather monotonous - especially if we don't get out of the house enough, but since she has been born, not a second goes by that my heart doesn't feel completely full. I know that what I'm doing is important. The world is scary, and sometimes I even feel guilty for bringing her up in a world so full of confusion over what truly makes people happy. But, I feel like I have found the secret. What makes me happy is family, and the knowledge that, when all my earthly possessions are gone, she and Jason are mine forever.

Here are some grainy phone pictures from the week. I have better pictures on our camera, including some of "nakey time" and some from Project Rice Cereal, but for the life of me I cannot get them uploaded onto my computer right now, so these will have to do.

Tiana's Example

I have so much to learn from this sweet, sweet girl. Tiana is eleven years old, and we are eleven years apart, but she is one of my closest friends. Her maturity never ceases to amaze me. Kids' lives are getting harder than they were when I was eleven. When I was that age, my biggest concern was trying to convince my mom NOT to make me wear "flared" jeans or shop in the girls' section (unfortunately I was a pretty big tom boy which makes looking at pictures circa 1996 just plain awkward). As of late, she has had to deal with some pretty tough stuff that I won't go into, but let's just say that it is more than any 11 year old should have to go through. Her grace in dealing with trials is such an example to me. She is the most Christ-like person that I know. For as long as she's been able to talk, she's been a friend to the friendless, and a constant advocate for those that, for one reason or another, can't stand up for themselves. My love for her is more than I can express in words. When she hurts, I hurt. Seeing tears in her eyes brings tears to mine, and she usually ends up being the one to comfort me, when it was her that needed comforted in the first place. I never though it was possible to look up to someone so much younger than me, but she is such an example of strength and endurance. All growing up, I would always find notes from her on my pillow before I went to bed at night, expressing her love for me. She always has the most thoughtful and kind words for the members of our family. Tiana and Reagan are also eleven years apart, and I couldn't ask for a better example for my daughter. Thank you, Tiana, for being just plain amazing.

p.s. I am also living vicariously through her on the soccer field! I hope that my days of competition, blood, sweat, and tears are not long gone, but for now, I enjoy watching her play so aggressively. She is incredibly talented for her age, and is so much fun to watch.