Princess

Today, my dear friend and fellow young women leader in our ward, Amanda, gave a lesson about realizing and fulfilling our divine potential. I have been thinking a lot lately about my responsibility as a mom, especially to girls, who will, without a doubt, need to be taught and shown what their divine potential is as daughters of God more than once. I find myself really troubled when I hear the young women say negative or unproductive things about themselves, and realize that this "practice" is way too common than it should be, especially among the female variety. It was not long ago that I was a teenager, and found myself really disliking who I saw when I looked in the mirror. I felt confident and beautiful when I was doing productive things - after a soccer game that I poured my heart and soul into, or when I was diligent about reading the scriptures or working on my personal progress, etc. But, unfortunately, many times I would look in the mirror at the end of the day and point out my physical flaws to myself - my eyebrows weren't shaped just right, my freckles were in all the wrong places, a pimple here, a little too much "jiggle" there, and I ended up back where I started: unhappy, and feeling rather sorry for myself. If only I could go back to that person now and tell her that she is actually beautiful, because she is literally a daughter of Heavenly Father. Would I have believed it? It took time for me to really realize and believe what that meant. I definitely had moments where I felt that very strongly, but those moments were sometimes fleeting. I am starting to remember how hard being a 15 year old is. I don't like when people, referring to teenagers, say "They don't know how easy they have it," or, "Why are they complaining? Their life is so easy." Being a teenager is downright not an easy task, I don't care who you are. As much fun as it was at times, I definitely wouldn't go back given the choice. I wish I had known then how much pure joy I would experience in my life. How happy and renewed I would feel at each dimpled grin from my beautiful little girl, or each embrace and "I love you" from my eternal sweetheart. Now, my fleeting moments are the ones where I look in the mirror and say "wow, that doesn't look normal," or "too bad about those stretch marks, huh?" It is not long before I remember to remind myself of how good I have it, and how very blessed I am. There have been and will be trials, but I now know who I am, and that somehow makes enduring those hard times easier and, dare I say, worth it. I know I am a daughter of God. I know this because I see it in every single miraculous thing I have been blessed with. Why else would I have been given these beautiful, healthy, happy, children that remind me to laugh and that I am loved every single day of my life? Why else would Heavenly Father trust them in my care? Why else would Heavenly Father bless me with a husband who looks past my misplaced freckles and extra jiggle and sees something close to what He sees in me? He did it because He loves me and because I am His child. He wants me to be happy. And, besides the times when I briefly forget who I am, (we all have those days!) I am happy. I want to harness these feelings and give them to Reagan, all wrapped up in a box complete with a pretty bow, for her to have whenever she might forget or lose track of that knowledge. I have found myself constantly capturing moments I have with her lately, because I feel like, right now, she truly believes that she is beautiful. Every day, she tells me that she is a "princess", as she dances and glides around the house in her diaper (if I'm lucky, there will be at least a diaper.) She sings nonsense words at the top of her lungs, complete with forced vibrato. She smiles when she looks in the mirror and brushes her wild hair. She nods confidently when I tell her how pretty she is. In fact, she has all the confidence in the world. I mourn the loss of this confidence as she gets older. I want her to always be dancing around the house, singing at the top of her lungs, and smiling when she sees her reflection in the mirror. How is it that now, at not even 2 years old, she knows who she is more than most women do at age 15, 20, 30, 40...? She is so trusting - I tell her she's beautiful, so she is. There's a picture of Jesus in our home where he's holding what looks like a toddler-aged child. She asks me to lift her up to look at that picture almost daily. I ask her, "Do you know that Jesus loves you, sweetheart?" and, without any hesitation, she always gives me a very confident nod complete with a resounding "Yeah!" I pray that I will be able to teach her and remind her of that feeling when she forgets. I pray that she always believes me when I tell her how beautiful and perfect she really is. And if she doesn't? Well, I will show her and teach her in every way I know how and possibly can. I won't give up. Why? Because I am her mom, but she...she is a daughter of God. My little princess.